Transactional vs. Relational Parenting: The Trap We All Fall Into

It’s back-to-school is in full swing, and every year around this season, I see it happen.

Parents — especially those navigating neurodiversity —start to slide into what I call “transactional parenting.”

You know the pattern:

“Before you can play, you have to finish your homework.”
“If you get ready for school without a meltdown, you can have screen time.”

The lists. The checkboxes. The deals.

We create these transactions to manage the chaos—but what they actually manage is the connection.

In this short clip, I talk about why we need to shift from transactional to relational parenting—especially for 2e kids who crave connection, understanding, and belonging above all else.

Because here’s the truth: with twice-exceptional children, the relationship is the regulation.

When we focus on understanding before compliance, connection before correction, we give our children what they need to show up as their best selves.